Kimberly and I talked about what I could have done different on my cruise to do "damage control", as she called it. She said that if you feel like having a burger, have one without the bun or half the bun. If you want dessert, have a few bites instead of a whole piece. These are methods I've known about for years and years, but rarely do I put them into action. She's right though, if I had thought more about what I was doing, I could have maybe gained only 4 pounds instead of 8.
Then I told her about how I was trying to exercise at the track but that I hurt my knee on Monday. She suggested I go walking in a pool. The water is good for resistance and also good for people with knee injuries. I told her I would like to do that, but the only pool I have access to is a public pool and I don't like to go around in a bathing suit in public. She said she understood. Then she really laid it on me:
You Don't Have to Be Thin to Enjoy Life.
That is a POWERFUL statement! It really hit home with me because I can count several things that I won't do because I'm fat.
- Enjoy swimming at the beach, pools, rivers and lakes. I love, love, love the beach especially. I don't go as often as I'd like because I don't want to wear a bathing suit in public. I'm embarrassed and feel too vulnerable. Usually, when I do go, I just wear jeans or capris and a shirt and stay out of the water. It's easier to avoid here in Oregon than it was in Southern California where I grew up.
- Try jogging. This is going to sound weird, but when I run, my butt feels like it's bouncing and not only is it uncomfortable, it's totally embarrassing to me.
- Wear clothes that are fitted. I feel like I have to wear my clothes baggy or else people will notice that I'm not all muscle.
- Get excited about shopping for clothes. This is self-explanatory I think! You guys know where I'm coming from.
- Enjoy myself at amusement parks. When I was at my highest weight all those years ago, I was at Knott's Berry Farm and I went to get on the Dragon Swing and I didn't fit and had to do the walk of shame off the ride. I don't go on rides I'm unsure of now because I never want to experience anything like that again.
- Wear shorts and tank tops. Again, the vanity kicks in. I don't ever want to feel like people are staring at me or snickering amongst themselves because of the way I look.
I was telling Kimberly about some of these concerns. Especially about the pool and jogging. She said she believes that not everyone in the world is that critical and judgmental and that it was more likely that I would inspire people because I'm getting healthy and doing activities that are good for my body. And I WANT to inspire people, especially people who are going through the same types of struggles I am.
So I'm vowing to look at myself that way from now on - not as an embarrassment, but as an inspiration. At the very minimum, an inspiration to my husband, my children, my family and my friends.
|Me in the late 1990s - 80 pounds ago!|
|May 2012 - the progress may be slow but I've come so far already!|
Kimberly gave me a lot of things to think about today. It's really nothing I haven't heard before, but for some reason, she really got into my head today. I really want her to be proud of me. I hope that when I see her again next month, the results show how hard I've been working.
So if you see me at the pool or on the beach or jogging at the track, don't be surprised, I'm not trying to impress anyone with my looks, just my abilities and perseverance. Don't mind my bouncing butt. :)
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend...enjoy it with the ones you love.